From romantic ideals to “make me happy”, we often have unrealistic expectations
that set us up for disappointment and lose/lose for our partners. We need to learn to
express our hopes, wants, and desires more as an FYI – then let go of the expectations.
It’s true that our partners cannot read our minds. If we have hopes, wants, and
desires, we do need to communicate them. The problem arises as this communication
is often received as criticism…as
“you are failing me”…”you are failing as a
husband”…” you are failing as a human being”.
Some ideas are:
Make a happy list…e. “These are some things that make me happy. I’m giving you
this list as communication but I lay down my expectations for them and am so glad I am
married to you!”
Make a list of what you know makes your partner happy and work on it.
Expectations are like holding out a cup…fill me up, fill me up, fill me up. When we
get to a place that we are whole as an individual apart from our husband, we are more
likely going to have our cup overflow.
Remember: Expectations can remove the joy in doing them in the first place.
Marriage and Family.Coach

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